I believe our lives can be equated to an iceberg. With an iceberg we only see about 10% of it. The rest of the iceberg – the other 90% is below the surface – it can’t be seen.
That is what it is like for us as well.
What others see of us is really only about 10% of who we really are.
But it’s the things deep beneath the surface – those things that we can’t see – that come out when we are under great stress.
Part of the path that we must walk down as we seek to get below the surface and really understand who we are is learning to understand our emotions.
We are made in God’s image which includes emotional, social, intellectual, spiritual and physical. All of these areas need to be developed.
When we get in touch with our true feelings/emotions we gain the courage to assert our true self.
The problem, however, is that we can’t reflect and respond thoughtfully to our feelings if we don’t know what they are.
4 steps to knowing yourself better
(from “Emotionally Healthy Spirituality: Unleash a Revolution in Your Life In Christ
1. Pay attention to your interior in silence and solitude.
Enormous distractions keep us from listening to our feelings, our desires, our dreams, our likes and dislikes. Many people around us would like to fix, save, advise and set us straight into becoming the people they would like We need to be alone so we can listen.
2. Find trusted companions.
We need people in our lives who truly want to help us understand ourselves. If you are married this should be your spouse.
3. Move out of your comfort zone.
Trust God and take some small steps of risk to be honest with yourself and with others. This might be met with resistance initially. It is going to feel awkward, it is going to be hard but we need to move out of comfort zone in order to move forward.
4. Pray for courage.
There will always be some fear of others’ reaction. People may not like the changes in us. People will want us to change back but we need the courage and resolve to press on.
A helpful exercise
Here is a helpful exercise that I recommend doing daily that will help you begin to understand what is going on inside of yourself.
Ask yourself these 4 questions:
1. What are you made about? (What am I hurt about?)
2. What are you sad about?
3. What are you anxious about?
4. What are you glad about?
I would love to hear your thoughts on this subject in the comments!
A Few Related Posts You May Find Useful:
Emotionally Healthy Spirituality Part 4
Baby steps, baby steps . . .
3 action steps to take when your blog stats drop
How do you move on after a tragedy?
The gap between knowing and doing
Quit denying anger, sadness and fear
2 ways to get out of our comfort zone
4 steps to teach our children to make right choices
This reminds me of when I was a youth and I learned that anger is the tip of an ice berg. Under anger is the real emotion people are trying to hide- fear, insecurity, pride, pain, etc.
To this day when people are angry I try to see what is under that anger, what is causing it? I ask God to help me understand so I can respond accordingly.
That is a great way of dealing with things TC!
Thanks for sharing!
I think we tend to not know ourselves quite as well as we think we do. Part of this is because we usually judge ourselves based on our motives (while we judge other people on their actions). For example, we may think, “I want to pray more and know God more”, and that’s great, but if we never make changes in our life, we’ll stay the same (or get further from God). Consequently, we may think we’re doing good spiritually because of our intentions, but are we really getting closer to God and becoming more like Jesus every day?
Also, that book you referenced is really insightful. I recommend it, too.
About #1 of your 4 steps, it seems like “life” tries to keep us from that. Almost everyone I know says they’re “too busy”. Actually, many of us may not want to have that quiet time of reflection, for fear of what we may find. We’re surrounded by entertainment, and I think too much of it can rob us of time to examine ourselves and meditate on the Bible and do original thinking.
Great points Chad!
Thanks for sharing.
Hi Kevin,
People who are in a bad mood or are angry about something are sometimes hard to understand and comfort. I remember one of my friends who behaved in a way that’s so unlike her and when asked, she said she’s so stressed about things happening in her life lately that she had no more enthusiasm on other things.
I agree with your #2 point “Find trusted companions”. When we are in a pinch, we want people (who are dear to us) to help us understand ourselves. Sometimes, problems really cannot be solved by our loved ones, but with them listening to us and offering comfort is enough to make our lives more bearable at the moment.
We definitely need the support of others when we are seeking to understand ourselves better.
Thanks for sharing Felicia!
Good stuff, Kevin. I can certainly say that these things have made a profound difference in my life and they have to be maintained and repeated. Thanks.
Thanks for sharing Jason!
Kevin…
I love the 4 steps to knowing yourself better…especially the first one; “Pay attention to your interior in silence and solitude”. So often, we run from one project or idea to another and never take the time to stop and listen. We never stop and really think about what we are doing. Thanks for this great post.
Step number one is definitely critical to having a better understanding of ourselves.
Thanks for sharing Martin!