I have been married for 17.5 years to my wonderful and beautiful wife Lauren. Over these 17.5 years of marriage I have learned a few things on how to have a happy marriage.
Since I am in a giving mood today I thought I would share my best advice on how to have a happy marriage. This advice is more for men but I think that women can learn from it too.
If you put this advice into practice I guarantee that your marriage will be happy.
I wish someone had shared this advice with me before I got married.
The best advice for a happy marriage
What’s your best advice on how to have a happy marriage?
1. Pray together.
also never take them for granted, listen, and do not forget to put the toilet seat down!
I will give you an “Amen” on those pieces of advice.
Thanks for sharing Adam!
But what if one of you is a rational individual that can think for him/her self? Then one of you will know that all religion is a scam based upon lies. Prayer is as useless as throwing rocks into a gravel pit.
Instead, discuss the big and little things together, openly, honestly and calmly. That will be far better than a lifetime wasted in prayer.
Hi James,
I agree that communication is a very important key to a happy marriage.
You’re entitled to your opinion about prayer but please don’t be derogatory. I welcome all opinions as long as they are presented in a respectful way.
Thanks,
Kevin
Don’t be derogatory? You mean don’t tell the truth? It’s not an opinion when it is verifiable fact. Religion is an opinion and a delusion.
Are you saying religion, that has always been the source of most of the world’s problems, is deserving of respect?
Think currently of Northern Ireland, the Middle East, and the intolerance and minority bashing anywhere. Then there were the Crusades, the Inquisition, and the Dark Ages. But we are supposed to “respect” the cause of all of that? I’m not sorry, but that simply is not possible for rational people.
Men use ‘religion’ to do some pretty terrible things.
However, you cannot prove that God doesn’t exist.
The non-existence of God and the failure of prayer to ‘work’ are not verifiable facts.
You can prove that God doesn’t always do exactly what you want but you cannot prove that he doesn’t exist at all.
You are right about religion being used for terrible things.
I CAN prove that god does not exist. You cannot prove that he does. The burden of proof is always upon those that make the outrageous claims. I know theists would prefer to to be otherwise, but that’s the way it is.
The failure of prayer is a verifiable fact. So is the non-existence of any god.
There is not god so nothing ever happens. Those are facts. Everything else is simply delusions. People believing what makes them feel good. “Beliefs, no matter how sincerely held, do not alter facts.” ALL of the facts are for no gods, evolution, and the scientific method. There are no facts for any religion. Not one, not ever.
Here’s a bit about Faith” from my own blog.
Let’s All Have Faith
If something cannot be proven, there is likely to be a reason for it. If something cannot be seen, it can still be proven. Gravity cannot be seen by any of our current technology. But its effects can be seen and measured. Just try dropping an iron weight on your toe. Or do you think that was a spiritual effect by god to punish you for being stupid enough to drop it on your toe?
Gravity can be measured, its actions observed and even predicted. I knew that weight was going to hurt your toe. You probably did too, so you decided not to drop it on your foot.
“But you must have Faith!” OK, I am willing to test that. Are you?
I invite you to the roof of my building. It’s not too high, between 25 and 30 meters (80 to 90 feet). I hand you a large belt and tell you to put it on. As you are buckling it, I explain that it is an anti-gravity belt I have built. I add that it repels gravitational force, just as ordinary magnets repel each other.
Like magnets, the closer it is to the earth, the more powerfully it works. So, when you first step off the roof, you’ll fall fairly fast. But as you near the concrete parking lot below, you’ll slow down until you stop just a short distance above the ground. Way more fun than bungee jumping, right?
Now go on, step off the roof. What? You want to know how it works? The entire secret was revealed to me by a space alien in a series of visions. He also told me that drinking too much alcohol was bad for me. I know that to be true, so this has to be true, too. It’s too complicated for you to understand anyway. You need me to interpret its action for you and for you to have faith.
Yes, I’ve already tried it, now it’s your turn. Off you go now. Take a leap of faith.
LOVE IT!
Thanks Peter!
That video is so great. I’ve watched several of His–so hilarious! Thanks Kevin.
Tim Hawkins is a funny guy!
That video is so funny – and so true. Couples I work with are actually dealing with some of those issues – watching the game (although nobody seems to have taped over the wedding), his planning some outing without consulting her, even the fake jewelry that she hates. Happy Valentine’s Day.
Thanks for sharing Dr. Erica!
Dang! I’m on a loaner computer with no video capabilty. Grrrrrr. I hope I remember to come back!
That’s too bad that you can watch the video Sheryl. I hope you remember to come back but it is a great video.
I finally have the technology! It was worth the wait. Thanks!
I am glad that you got to see it Sheryl!
What a fun post, Kevin! Thanks for bringing a smile to the jam!
Thanks Bonnie!
I played that while my wife was sitting next to me and she just nodded and said “yep. That’s about right.”
LOL! Thanks for sharing Jason!
I have had the tables turned. I think I have been replaced by the Kindle I got my wife for Christmas.
LOL! That is too funny Gary.
Oh yeah! I’ll be sure to show my husband this video, not that he’s guilty of any charges here or anything, but prevention is better than cure. lol! Great post, Kevin and congrats on your wonderful marriage with Lauren. God bless you and family always!
@wchingya
Social/Blogging Tracker
Thanks Ching ya!
While I know this video is for amusement. Does anyone else notice that it always seems to be the man who has to change? That not only isn’t reasonable, it assume that women are perfect. never nag, never engage in emotional blackmail, use sex as a weapon, and are generally perfect. None of that is logical or even possible.
Let’s face it, we are all human with faults and foibles that must be accepted and sometimes, even cherished. I can’t imagine anything worse than living with someone that was always right, always perfect.
That is true James. Men generally seem to be picked on more for having to change.
For me, a healthy marriage is about two individuals who can choose to love each other and work together despite their differences. We don’t have to be exactly the same.
I like your statement: “we are all human with faults and foibles that must be accepted and sometimes, even cherished.”
Thanks for sharing James!
Even so, the video was still funny. There’s also a lesson there. We sometimes speak without thinking how the words will be perceived and therefore received.
Hello
I want to start this post saying I’m Brazilian evangelical Christian, born and raised in the state capital of São Paulo. My country is full of Christian churches full of devout Christians. The words of the Internet user who uses the pseudonym James Smith did not reflect the faith of my nation.
Now, talking about the topic on this blog. The years go fast! I married at 21, in December 2011 will complete 26 years of happy marriage.
I say what I think is the reason for the longevity of my walk in marital success in a marriage where my whole family goes to church willingly to serve God with joy.
First: Do not let emotion (anger and rage) to dominate the couple’s relationship. Striving for that dialogue always occurs, husband and wife should talk thinking rationally.
Second, we do not want to be who ever is the person who is right. Even if you believe to be right, not allowing his suits are sure to cause great wars, divisions within the household.
Third: Try to make the spouse enters into an agreement on the question. What? Do not allow fights to extend for a long time and even if they win proportions beyond intimacy. Never let the disagreement go beyond the relationship to both. Children, parents, other people should not take detailed knowledge nor party, EVER!
Bedroom advice: Do not let others from interfering in your daily relations, things of the marital scene. I know marriages destroyed by the fault of interferometer ~ ence of the fathers, and mothers-in-laws. They can always be around, but NEVER should “manage” the couple’s life. The voice in the marriage should always be the husband and wife, in agreement among themselves. Learn, live what I say: my father was widowed and now lives with me, peacefully.
Fifth tip: Father In Law and mother are not our enemies. Fighting with them is fight with the father or mother of our spouse, grandfather and grandmother of our children. To disrespect them, weaken family ties.
Peace in the family!
Eliseu Antonio Gomes
São Paulo | Brazil
@ Sr. Gomes. First of all, James Smith is not a pseudonym. It is my real name and João Pessoa is really where I have lived for the past 8 years.
What you are really saying is my words do not reflect YOUR views. I know many people here, both Brazilians and ex-pats like myself. Of the hundreds I personally know, maybe 20% are practicing theists. The rest or either “lip service” religious or simply ignore religion totally.
IN my time here, I have seen many churches. Some are magnificent edifcios projecting the wealth of that congregation and their unconcern for the poor that surround them. If they can spend Millions of R$ on their building, how much better off would their area be if they instead gave that to promote education and health care?
I have also seen churches of different denominations come and go. Ones that have been there for years fade away and close for lack of attendance. I could show you two or three in my barra (Manaria) alone.
Brazil is becoming increasingly more secular while the USA is edging closer to a theocracy. That’s why I prefer this beautiful country with its friendly, kind, people to the USA.
Your opinion that your religion is the reason your marriage has lasted (good for you) doesn’t really stand up to examination. The divorce rate among theists is higher than that of atheists. Instead, I suggest your marriage has lasted in spite of your religion, not because of it. It is your personal character and that of your wife that is the reason.
As for your advise on marriage, I can’t disagree with it. What you are basically saying is, keep disagreements private and always work to present a united front to the world. Then, disagreements will be worked out faster and more harmoniously. Yes, that is easier to say than to do. Nevertheless, working to have a peaceful nature in all things is the way to develop that in yourself and those around you.
James Smith João Pessoa, Brazil recently posted…The Cruel Truth About Fat
Eliseu,
You are so right about what works to create a long lasting and satisfyikng marriage. However, so many people – even if they tried to follow your advice – they just cannot. Each of us has had a different upbringing. Some of us have developed high self-esteem and value our own gut feelings and way of knowing. But many of us have been suppressed or made to feel confused or manipulated or abused by our early family – so we may be confused in a relationship. Some of us turned away from the church or our own spiritual beliefs because we have experienced pain and disappointment and perhaps blame God.
When we don’t have strong spiritual beliefs and strong spiritual ties; when we don’t have a strong sense of self-esteem; and when we are taught to believe that love comes from outside of us, then when problems arise we will probably blame our partner or our partner’s parents and family or our own family. Or we may totally blame ourself and feel we are always wrong.
A good marital relationship requires TWO people who feel good about themselves, have a strong spiritual base and have learned some basic communication skills. ONE person cannot do it alone. But one person can have a huge impact on the other person and bring that person into counseling or into spiritual containment.
Erica
You credit religious belief with self-esteem? Apparently you don’t know very much about the subject. You are only regurgitating the lies you have been taught.
I have plenty of self-esteem and always have. So do my children and grandchildren. But then, they were taught that self-worth comes from within and making use of their own abilities to develop character and personal strength. It is theists that think “I am nothing without god”. Then when they discover that god doesn’t do a thing for them,ever, they are left with nothing.
How can a rational person “blame god” when no god exists? Do environmentalists blame Paul Bunyan for cutting down too many trees?
We can blame the liars and scam artists that brainwash us as children to believe in totally ridiculous things so they can control the thoughts and actions of the gullible. Apparently, you have yet to figure this out for yourself.
James Smith João Pessoa, Brazil recently posted…The Cruel Truth About Fat
James,
I must say that your response to my comment is not accurate. I do not equate having a spiritual connection with high self esteem. They are two completely separate entities. I was just mirroring Eliseu’s comment about what she believes has helped HER marriage and many other marriages to work. And it is true, having a common belief can help a marriage to thrive. That belief can be that there is a God and that they both believe in that God.
Whether one believes in God or not, whether one has a spiritual sense or not, has nothing to do with self-esteem. Self-esteem comes from valuing oneself. However, when you respond by attacking my credibility, telling me I am just “:regurgitating lies,” and that I “have yet to figure this out for myself,” that is not an indication that YOU have high self-esteem. Since you are responding to my well meaning comments with hostility and fault finding, that makes it difficult for us to have an open conversation. You have made assumptions about me without knowing how I view the world or how much I have studied and learned in this lifetime.
I do not attack and verbally abuse anyone who does have have the same beliefs that I have. I never impose my beliefs on others. I may share them and dialogue. You, on the other hand, are choosing to impose your beliefs and insult me (and probably others) for not believing the same way you do.
Erica
Again, without knowing a thing about me, you ignore what I said and make judgements about my personal self-esteem. But being judgmental is a common characteristic of theists. Even though the christian babble says “Judge not least ye be judged” christians do it anyway.
What you think are personal attacks are simply statements of observed fact. But it’s much easier to blame someone else than to accept personal responsibility, isn’t it? That’s another feature of theists, they can claim it was “god’s will” instead of accepting that they may have screwed up.
Yes, you DO impose your beliefs on others. All theists try to vote their beliefs into laws for everyone and if you claim you do not, you are deluding yourself. But self-delusion is a necessary for belief in any god, isn’t it?
Tell me “Dr.”, exactly how have I imposed my beliefs on you? When you do it, you claim you are “sharing them”, when I point out the fallacies in them, I am “imposing” on you. But the hypocrisy of that is doubtless lost on any theist. I have never met a christian that wasn’t blind to the hypocrisy of their religion, why should you be an exception?
You are entitled to your beliefs, I couldn’t care less. You are NOT entitled to your own facts nor are you entitled to force those beliefs into law.
Show me one thing I have said is not true. But I have to tell you, I don’t play fair. I demand independently verifiable facts. FActs and rational thinking are fatal to any religion so I certainly don;t expect any.
James Smith João Pessoa, Brazil recently posted…The Cruel Truth About Fat
James,
Since you do not know anything about me, you also do not know that I am not Christian. And “facts” can become detrimental to a loving marriage. Emotion happens to be extremely important and having empathy and compassion for the other person’s feelings.
How you have imposed your beliefs on me, from my perspective, is to say that “all theists try to vote their beliefs into laws.” All and none thinking is not relating to the individual in front of you.
You certainly create dialogue with your point of view. And we don’t have to agree.
“All theists try to vote their beliefs into law.” That is a fact. You don’t even attempt to disprove tr because you know it is true.
You claim not to be a christian. When we apply the duck test (if it walks like a dick, quacks like a duck..) You start to sound more like one with each post. For example, you ignore statements you cannot successfully answer, you try to distract from the issue by introducing irrelevant issues, and expect everyone to accept something simply because you say it, not because of any underlying logic or proof. Quack Quack.
James Smith João Pessoa, Brazil recently posted…The Cruel Truth About Fat
Okay, the discussion here has gone WAY out of the original scope of this post. I have never had to do this before but I am shutting off the comments on this post.