Sometimes life deals us a blow that we can’t cope with on our own. What constitutes such a blow is different for each of us.
It may be a physical or mental illness.
It may be an addiction.
It may be a profound loss.
It may be something that would not disturb most other people but does disturb you.
We don’t have to deal with life’s issues on our own.
We need to find the courage to ask for help.
For many of us, that’s not easy.
For many years, I have struggled with asking for help.
I believed that asking for help was not okay.
I believed that asking for help was shameful.
I believed that asking for help was a sign of weakness.
I believed that asking for help created unnecessary burdens on others.
Recently, someone challenged me in this. They asked me if someone I loved were in the same situation that I found myself in would I think it was okay for them to ask for help?
My answer was a resounding YES!
Then this person said to me: Then why should you be held to a different standard?
These words hit me like a ton of bricks.
I realized that I had higher expectations of myself than I do of others when it comes to dealing with difficult situations and believing this was causing me a lot of unnecessary pain and hurt.
Asking for help may not be easy but it is important.
And when you do ask for help, not everyone will come through for you, and that will be painful.
But many people will.
And by trusting them enough to ask, you offer them an extraordinary opportunity to do something important for someone they care about.
Then one day, you may have the opportunity to return the favour.
Do you struggle with asking others for help?
***** This post was inspired by chapter 6 “Ground Your Identity: Ask Yourself What’s at Stake” from the book “Difficult Conversations”.
Asking for help can be a great challenge for many but I couldn’t agree with you more, that it is well worth our time to overcome. In some way, people seem to think that it shows their weaknesses if they ask for help and yet if they stop to think about it logically, it only makes good sense that (being human)we all have times of need. It also provides a great opportunity to connect and bond with others.
Great points Linnea!
Thanks for sharing.
And then you have those as well who say, “Everyone knows I’m doing this/going through this so if someone wants to help they’ll offer.” And that’s not always the case and it’s not because others don’t care. I like how you brought out too that not everyone will come through, but that doesn’t mean we should give up on asking for help. Good stuff, Kevin. Thanks.
Unfortunately there will always be those who take on the victim mentality.
Thanks for sharing Jason!
Great advice Kevin – I’ll be the first to admit one of the toughest things for me to do is to ask for help. But you are right, certainly there’s no shame in it and often we discover unexpected generosity and friendship in the process. Thanks for the inspiration!
Thanks for sharing Marty!
Hey Kevin, I think we learn this silly behavior, that we have to do everything ourselves, we must figure it out, be perfect and never make mistakes or need outside help. We are taught this behavior as kids in school but really affects people later in life once they are done with school, out in the real world. Asking for help I think is a sign of intelligence. Like the story of Henry Ford who was put on trial for a supposed “lack of intelligence” because he hadn’t completed all his schooling and couldn’t recite historical facts or dates off the top of his head. He rebuttled saying that at the push of a button he could get the answers to any of the questions asked of him – he was intelligent because he knew where to go and how to get help!
Hi Hans:
The faulty belief of asking for help is a sign of weakness has definitely been ingrained in us from a young age. We must work hard to break free from it.
Great story about Henry Ford!
Thanks for sharing!
Kevin
Hi Kevin
many people see asking for help as a weakness but its truly not. I was told once that by not asking for help I was being selfish since I was not allowing others to help me who wanted to. That lesson was hard to take at the time but I’ve never forgotten it. There are people who want to help and are given the gift of helping others. We should allow them to .
Great point Anne!
Thanks for sharing!
Great post, Kevin! Don’t be like far too many people who wait until it’s too late to ask for help. Instead, make sure to ask for help while things are still manageable. Doing this will save a lot of hassle and headahces.
Very true Steve!
This is something that I am slowly learning to do. It is so freeing when I do it.
Thanks for sharing!
Kevin
Great article. I have struggled with this my entire life…having too much pride to ask for help, even from my family…and even if I desperately need it. This bad habit of mine often exacerbates my problems and has gotten me into quite a few pickles. I’m just now slowly learning how to ask for help. It’s difficult, but the thought of one day being able to help those that have helped me makes it a little easier.
Jeff
Pride is definitely a big hurdle to overcome when it comes to asking for help.
Thanks for sharing Jeffrey!
Kevin,
I totally agree!
But more importantly, the golden rule is to ask someone who can actually help you.
Make sure it’s someone who has what you desire, not just anyone. This is key!
Really, I think I’m going to have to write a short posting of my own to explain more in detail…
Yep… I’m off to write, thanks for the motivation!
-Dereck
I look forward to reading more about your thoughts on this Dereck!
Hey Kevin,
What timing, I was just talking to one of my reps about this earlier this evening.
I strongly encourage those on my team to reach out to new members and offer assistance in getting their new business off to a great start.
Often when we send an email or attempt a phone call we will not get a response from our new recruits … even though they already paid money to join our business.
Believe it or not for many people “asking for help” is a new experience. Even “accepting help” when it is offered is meet with resistance. As you stated in your article they feel that they did to do things on their own, therefore quite often our emails go unanswered and our new recruits struggle along doing things their way instead of asking for help and guidance from someone who has the knowledge and experience which would prove to be useful.
When we can accept assistance and easily as we are willing to give it then a true leader is born.
Thanks for sharing this Kevin.
Great thoughts Kevin!
It is true that asking for help and accepting help are new experiences for many.
Thanks for sharing!