After the miscarriage of our first child we were very apprehensive about our future as parents. We began to wonder if we would ever be able to have children.
The advice that we got from most people was to try to have another baby right away. So that is what we did. 
A few months later, we found out that Lauren was pregnant again and nine months later we were blessed with our first daughter Bethany.
We were filled with great joy!
It didn’t take us too much time to start thinking about having another child. In our minds, we thought that 2 years would be a great age distance between our children. So that was what we planned for.
And lo and behold, Lauren was pregnant again, right on schedule!
Once again we were ecstatic! We were much less apprehensive during the beginning of this pregnancy because we thought that everything was all “fixed” now and everything would turn out great once again.
The problem was, it didn’t.
Lauren ended up having another miscarriage.
Once again, we were devastated. Once again, we were left wondering why God would allow such a thing to happen. Once again, life had not gone according to our plans.
What do you do when you feel your control is slipping away? This is the theme of chapter three of Pete’s Wilson’s book “Plan B: What Do You Do When God Doesn’t Show Up the Way You Thought He Would?
In this chapter , Pete states:
The greatest of all illusion is the illusion of control.
Many people (me included) struggle with giving up control. We like to think we can plan out everything for our lives but the hard truth to accept is, we can’t. We will always be faced with shattered dreams and unmet expectations.
I love Pete’s words of encouragement to those of us whose lives are not turning out the way we think they should. He says:
“… you might think you’re losing control. But the truth is, you never had control in the first place. The only thing you do control is how you respond to your disappointments and your unexpected obstacles.”
We internalized a lot of our pain because it hurt too much to think about it.
It took some time before we were willing to surrender our hurt and our plans for children to God It took some time to accept His healing in our lives.
I still struggle with trying to control my life but I am learning that surrender is a much better choice!
Are you a control freak? What do you do when you feel your control is slipping away?
This is a continuation to our book club discussion of “Plan B”, by Pete Wilson. This week we’re in Chapter 3: The illusion of control. If you have a response, please add it below and add to the discussion. Whether you’ve read the chapter or not, share your thoughts!
I definitely like to have control, but whenever that clashes with God’s heart and plans, He always wins. Imagine that.
It really can become oppressive to try to cling to that illusion that everything is under our control, especially when He offers us the opportunity to lay down our burdens before Him and enter His rest. That’s where I want to be.
Thanks Kevin.
Amen Jason!
Thanks for sharing!
We lost 2 to miscarriage and this was after we already had 4 kids and perfect pregnancies. I’m glad we trusted God and added to our small nation for a total of seven. Thanks for sharing your heart bro’
Wow Jay!
Thanks for sharing!
My husband and I have been married for almost 4 years. Our ‘plan’ was to start having kids after 2 years of marriage. Well, that hasn’t happened! In August, we found we were pregnant, but I miscarried in October. It’s frustrating, but for some reason, God is saying “not now.”
These are the moments when we have to remind ourselves that God is good and He is control even though everything within us is saying otherwise.
Thanks for sharing Jodi!
We lost one to miscarriage before having Anna…
Control is definitely an illusion… but it is one we pursue relentlessly in spite of it.
No matter the circumstance or direction, may we always know that even when life is out of control, God is present and our future in him has been secured.
Amen Dusty! I would much rather have God in the driver seat than me.
Thanks for sharing!
Hi Kevin. I enjoyed this post very much. I’ve always been a control freak, and it’s hard for me to turn things over to God. Now that I’ve entered my 7th decade on this earth, I’ve come to realize how little control I have. However, I rejoice in Twyla Paris song, “God is In Control.” I sing that to myself every time I feel like life is careening down a slope and I can’t find the brakes. Thank you for sharing lessons learned from your very personal, painful experiences.
Wishing you a song in your heart,
Miss Leslie
I love that Twyla Paris song too!
Thanks for sharing Miss Leslie!
Ah, control… rather than the word “control” we prefer to use “create”. We see ourselves as creatures of creation… and it’s what we do. However, a lot of the creating we do is at a subconscious level and we don’t always see what we are creating.
So yes, controlling how we react in situations where we seem to have no say in the matter is perfect. It’s not always what happens in our lives, but our attitude towards it that enables us to grow.
Thanks,
~ Pat and Lorna
http://TheCoolestCouple.com
Thanks for sharing Pat and Lorna!
The way I deal with lack of control in relationships is to lower my expectations. Often, what I want to happen may happen after all.
Hi Shari:
Having reasonable and agreed upon expectations seems to work best for me too!
Thanks for sharing!
Kevin
I must confess, I am a control freak in recovery. Some days I fall off the wagon, though. Pete Wilson’s book has been life-changing for me. The quote you shared about the illusion of control was like a slap of truth. I needed it and often have to remind myself.
Thanks for sharing, Kevin!
Many of us struggle with control. I need to be constantly challenged in this area too!
I’m a control freak, there’s no doubt about that. Let’s say for me it has its ups and downs. On one side it means I like to give the best I can. In short I’m a full-blown perfectionist. On the other hand it takes a lot of time, worries and effort to try do everything myself and never rely on others. Actually I find the more I learn to let go the happier a person I am.
This is definitely a difficult balance to maintain.
Thanks for sharing Femita!