Is time a friend or foe to your marriage?

August 15, 2013

marriage

Ever heard of Daniel Frederick and Susan Bateman? No? That’s okay. They aren’t movie stars or government leaders. Their lives are significant, however. They were married on August 29, 1772, till death did they part, 91 years and 12 days later. Daniel and Susan represent history’s longest recorded marriage.

Now you have something to shoot for, if you want to shoot for it, that is. For some marriages, 91 years would be a gift – a gracious extension to a blessed union. For others, it may be like the curse of immortality for the suffering.

Time can be a marriage’s worst enemy.

How so?

  • When there is little love and no romance.
  • When a marriage goes months or even years without sexual intimacy.
  • When husbands and wives choose to hold onto resentment.
  • When we keep secrets and protect turf.
  • When we never say, “I love you,” or “I’m sorry,” or “I appreciate you.”

Time has a means of sealing in our bitterness like moss in the crack of a sidewalk. Hearts that have hardened only get harder with time.

Time can be a marriage’s best friend.

On the other hand, time can also be a marriage’s best friend, if we choose to allow it.  You can grow a mushroom overnight but an oak tree takes decades.  When it comes to our marriage we need to decide to be oak trees.

The road of marriage has plenty of bumps and bruises. We let each other down. We hold each other up. We rest in times of peace and we weather storms together. And over time, through thick and thin, sickness and health, better and worse our marriage grows into a beautiful oak tree if we are willing to stick it out.

marriage

Is time a friend or foe to your marriage?

It depends on how you answer two other vital questions:

First, are you cultivating a great marriage? Are you dying to self, learning to listen, making time for each other, being vulnerable with one another and growing in your love for each other?

The second question is equally as important – are you willing to stick it out? Will you stay? Will you forgive? Will you show grace and mercy and forgiveness? Will you demonstrate love and show respect? Will you commit to stay together through the storms?

If so, time can become your very best friend!

How are you cultivating a great marriage?

***** The credit for this post goes to Brandon Cox.  I adapted his post “Time: Every Marriage’s Friend and Foe”.

Kevin Martineau

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I am the Pastor at Port Hardy Baptist Church on Northern Vancouver Island, British Columbia. I am married to my best friend and I have three beautiful daughters.