Shooting the Breeze
Today I want to continue on in my “Life Struggles” series (you can read Part 1 here). Today’s topic is a difficult one for me to write about. I haven’t told many people about this struggle in my life but I am hoping that by sharing it that it will encourage others who are struggling or have struggled with depression to have the courage to talk openly about it. Sadly, depression is a taboo topic in the church and amongst Christians. For many years I was of the mentality that “depression means that you aren’t trusting God enough.” In other words, “Suck it up, trust God more and stop complaining about how bad you are feeling.” Unfortunately, I have found that this is the way that many others view depression as well.
Ironically for me, as I look back over my life, I know realize that I have battled with depression off and on for a long time but it wasn’t until February of 2007 that I was diagnosed with it. Of course, because of my pre-conceived ideas of depression I didn’t like that diagnosis. I didn’t want to believe it. I mean, how could I call myself a pastor and be struggling with depression? I am supposed to be an example of living a joyful life, right? Well, after much soul searching and research (Lauren actually did a lot of the research) I realized that I was not alone in my struggle with depression. MANY pastors struggle with it. Thankfully God brought some of those pastors into my life to encourage me and help me.
The biggest struggle I had after I accepted the reality of my situation was taking the prescribed medication that the doctor gave me. As much as I didn’t want to accept the fact that I was struggling with depression I certainly did NOT want to be taking any medication for it! Again, this thinking was a result of a lot of WRONG pre-conceived ideas about anti-depressants. It was several months before I actually decided to start taking the medication. During that month I was able to talk to other pastors who struggled with depression and were taking anti-depressants to help them.
The best information I got was from a pastor from Iowa who helped me understand the “chemical side” of depression. He compared depression to diabetes. A diabetic needs to take insulin because their body isn’t able to produce enough. Of course we would never tell a diabetic to just trust God more and suck it up. No! We would encourage them to take their medication! It is the SAME with depression. For reasons that I don’t fully understand my body does not produce enough of the right chemicals in my brain and as a result it affects me in many different ways. I need to take medication (anti-depressants) to help my body produce enough of these chemicals so that I can function properly.
Once I was able to process this information it radically affected my view of anti-depressants. Of course there are those who abuse anti-depressants and sometimes they are over prescribed BUT that does not mean that everyone who takes them are guilty of this. I must confess that there is still a part of me that doesn’t like the fact that I am taking anti-depressants but it appears that I may be taking them the rest of my life. Dealing with depression is going to continue to be a life long struggle.
I am thankful for the information that I have learned about depression. More importantly, I am thankful for the research that Lauren did because she is able to recognize the symptoms in me (when I am blind to them). Many of the life changes that I have made over the past year have definitely helped me in my struggle. I also have a NEW empathy for those who also struggle with depression.
I would love to hear your story if you have struggled with depression. What have you found to be helpful in dealing with this struggle? How have other people responded to your struggle?
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Wow! Congratulations, this is a big step. I can still remember when I was first diagnosed 8 years ago! It is a life long struggle, and it is a medical condition.
What I have found really helped was learning what my triggers were. I went through both a Meyers Briggs and CPI260 which really helped open up my eyes to areas of my personality that I had never taken account of. It helped me see how and why I reacted in certain ways, and it has provided me with tools to avoid situations that will cause stress and lead to depression.
People are pretty excepting of it, but I also don’t walk around with a “depression” sign on my chest. Most people are surprised when I tell them, not to mention that I am also a total intervert which most people don’t realize.
I am by no means there, and because of the depression I still struggle with my own “self medicating” treatments such as FOOD! And exercise is the best medication for depression, unfortunately, I still rely on medication as exercise has not become a priority in my life like it should.
May God Bless you for being able to share these thoughts. I believe more pastors suffer from depression than they will admit and it hurts both their families and church familes.
Hang in there!
Thanks Cynthia for your thoughts and encouragement!
Hi, I found this post through the Blogapalooza…
I suffer depression too. And I have struggled time and time again to accept it. So I just wanted to say thank you for speaking out about some of the false ideas we as a Church get about this disease. I think the more of us who become transparent, the more we will be able to change that mentality.
God Bless!
Thanks for stopping by and sharing Jen! I checked out your blog . . . good stuff! I added it to my reader.