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Conflict is inevitable in any marriage relationship. I used to falsely believe that all conflict was bad. This led to more harm than good.
The issue is not whether couples will have conflict; the issue is how they approach or deal with the conflict. The truth is: all conflict is not created equal.
Good conflict, in contrast to a bad conflict, is helpful not hurtful. It is positive, not negative. Good conflict stays clean but bad conflict gets dirty.
Imagine for a moment this Sunday morning scene:
Susie is at home preparing for church. The kids are acting up and her husband Jim is not helping her get ready. So as a result, Susie and Jim end up having a fight.
Susie says that she has to do everything on Sunday mornings to get the kids ready for church while Jim argues that Sunday mornings are the only mornings that he can just relax. So Jim thinks Susie is being unfair and unreasonable and vice versa. Because of time they are unable to fully deal with the issue.
They pack up the kids as quickly as they can because they are now running late. Susie walks into the church first and she is visibly looking a little down and as people greet her the first question is: “How are you doing?” And Susie’s automatic response is: Good, fine or something to that nature. Then Susie goes and sits down for church.
The question I have is: was Susie really doing good or fine? No, she was hurting.
I think all of us, if not most of us, would have responded in a very similar way. And I think that is very sad and unfortunate when we do this as Christians. I am not saying that Susie should have spilled her guts and told everyone about the fight she and Jim just had.
What I am saying is that Susie should have at least felt comfortable enough to say: “You know what, I am feeling really frazzled this morning” or “You know what, it has been a tough morning.”
The point is: we need to feel more comfortable being open, vulnerable and transparent with each other
Discovering your love language is critical to having healthy relationships. Our love language is simply how we give and receive love.
Unfortunately, seldom do two people in a relationship have the same primary love language. We tend to speak our primary love language and become confused when our partner doesn’t understand what we’re communicating.
Once you identify and learn to speak your partner’s primary love language, you’ll have discovered the key to a long-lasting, loving relationship.
Relationships are not easy. They take hard work and dedication. Recently my wonderful wife Lauren sent me a beautiful love song by Jason Mraz called “I won’t give up”. This song is a great reminder of what it takes to keep a relationship strong.
Today Lauren and I are celebrating 19 years of marriage! I am so blessed to have Lauren as my wife. She is my best friend and I love her very much. She has been a huge part of helping me to become the person I am today.
Our 19 years of marriage have definitely had their share of ups and downs but we have always been committed to keep moving forward. Through these 19 years of marriage I have learned a lot about myself and I have learned some important things about marriage.
1. Laugh lots and have a ton of fun together.
2. Say what you mean and mean what you say.
4. Have a weekly date night.
5. Listen more than you speak.
6. Stop trying to read your spouses mind.
8. Show appreciation and gratitude in as many ways as possible.
9. Continue to grow as individuals and as a couple.
10. Deal with conflict in healthy ways.
11. Pray together.
12. Be honest with one another.
13. Be committed to one another.
14. Be willing to forgive.
15. Show respect and courtesy.
16. Focus on giving rather than taking.
17. Don’t just tell your spouse you love them; tell them why.
18. Celebrate the small things.
19. Be willing to say “I’m sorry.”
What tips do you have for a successful marriage?
I don’t know about you but I like to spend money – lots of it. Why save your money when you can spend it, right? Even better, why save your money when you can borrow more!
(from Gail Vaz-Oxlad’s post “9 nifty ways to nix saving“)
Hey, you’ve got better things to do with $20 a week, right? Who cares that $1,000 a year for 30 years at 6% adds up to almost $80,000. And so what if $100 a week would get you almost $400,000 come retirement time. There are coffees to be bought, magazines to be read, and nights out on the town to be had. Besides, the government has a great plan in place to take care of you when you’re old and gray. Failing that, you can always move in with the kids.
Some people make a big deal about the fact that if you put money into a Registered Education Savings Plan for your child’s future education the government gives you money to help. A $2,500 contribution to a plan for Little Susie means the Feds will add $500; that’s an immediate 20% return. Hey, Little Susie can get student loans to get through school just like you did. So what if it’s 12 years later and you’re still paying through the nose. What’s good enough for you is good enough for Susie.
Yah, you know that there are legitimate banks out there willing to pay you four or five times what you’re currently earning. But, hey, interest rates are so low it barely makes a difference. And moving your account is such a pain in the arse. Besides, you’ve been dealing with The Big Bank all your life. The fabulous service they give you is more than worth the pathetic interest you earn and the huge fees you pay. Aren’t all banks the same anyway?
Who cares that saving money on mortgage interest is as easy as choosing to make accelerated payments on your mortgage. That can’t be right anyway… it’s just another of those fancy marketing tricks. After all, how can paying weekly instead of monthly mean the equivalent of one extra monthly payment? Sure, they say that could save four year’s worth of interest! But that can’t actually be true, can it?
If you have an accident, you don’t want to have to shell out more than $100 or $250 to get the car fixed. You just don’t have that kind of money lying around. So it costs a little more for a lower deductible, so what? You know that when you do end up having an accident, you’ll be covered. And the fact that you paid $350 a year more for your insurance will be worth it. After all, you have an accident every five years or so anyway, right?… Wait a minute, is that really $1,750 in extra insurance premiums?
You earn so little interest on your stupid bank account that the last thing you’re worried about is the tax you’ll have to pay. Never mind that $5000 a year for 20 years earning just 4% means just less than $150,000 in tax-free money — $16,000 more than you’d have if you were paying tax at a marginal tax rate of 31%. It’s just another ploy to stop you from spending your hard earned money on all the toys your neighbours have.
Everyone carries a balance on their cards, you should too! You’re making your minimum payment. That’s good enough for your credit score. Who cares if it takes 20 years to pay for the barbecue you just put on your card? So, the barbecue will cost a little more, but you got a great deal on it so it’ll all come out in the wash.
Hey, you work hard and you deserve to drive a nice car. So what if you could save 40% buying used. You’re not driving someone else’s leftovers. You like the new car smell. And you’re making enough to handle the payments, so what’s the big deal?
Sure they’re willing to match your retirement savings contributions up to 3% a year. And, sure, that’s like getting a raise. But you shouldn’t have to cut back on your spending to get that extra money. Hey, you slave away at your job and you’re not about to give up the $125 a month specialty channel package to get a pathetic extra $1200 a year from your employer. TV helps you to relax.
What other ways would you suggest to NOT save money?
We live in a selfish world where many people are only interested in themselves. Selfish people only consider their interests, their rights and their plans. Selfish people are not interested in serving others.
We need more people in our world who have the attitude of service!
We need more people in our world who are willing to put aside their own interests to consider the interests of others!
This isn’t always easy but there is joy in serving others!
It seems like such a small thing, and in our busy lives we often forget that a kind word, a helping hand, or just a smile and “Thank you” can create a bright spot in another person’s life.
The truth is that many people are longing to find someone who will listen to them. David Augsburger said: “Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person they are almost indistinguishable.”
Recognizing the contributions of others is a mighty act of service. This is an investment in others that doesn’t cost you a thing, and the returns can be amazing.
You can create an atmosphere of service simply by doing the things that you say you will do. Dependability and punctuality are the hallmarks of the service-oriented individual.
Which of these do you find the hardest to do? Which of these do you find the easiest to do?
