Shooting the Breeze
Have you ever thought of rejection as a type of communication? Most people don’t think of it this way but it is.
Rejection conveys a message that someone else is unsatisfactory to us, that he or she doesn’t measure up to a standard we have created or adopted.
Sometimes rejection is willfully used as an act of manipulation designed to control someone else.
Usually, rejection is manifested by an outburst of anger, a disgusted look, an impatient answer or a social snub.
Whatever the form of behavior, rejection communicates disrespect, low value and lack of appreciation.
I hate the feeling of being rejected.
It hurts.
It leaves painful scars that last a long time.
It can leave me feeling useless and of no value.
Nothing hurts quite like the message of rejection.
If this is true, why do we reject others so frequently?
Well, we may hate to admit it, but we reject others because it can be a very effective, though destructive, motivation.
Without lifting a finger, we can send the message that our targeted individual doesn’t meet our standards.
We can harness this person’s instinctive desire for acceptance until we have changed and adapted his or her behaviour to suit our tastes and purposes.
This is how rejection enables us to control the actions of another person.
Sadly, I have to confess that I have used the message of rejection to control the actions of other people way more times than I would like to admit.
I have used it on my wife.
I have used it on my children.
I have used it on my friends.
This is something that I have been working hard at stopping.
The most effective way for me to accomplish this has been remembering how I felt when I have been rejected and allowing those feelings to motivate me to not make someone else feel the same way.
Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God. Romans 15:7
How does the message of rejection make you feel? Is that enough motivation for you to stop using rejection to control the actions of others?
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Great post, Kevin. It feels awful and we try to protect ourselves against it, but the messages come from every direction at times. We slip into it so easily as you said, but that’s no excuse. Great challenge. Thank you.
jasonS recently posted..Obedience Tied to Relationship
Thanks for sharing Jason!
Kevin Martineau recently posted..Favourite Links Friday- 9 fantastic posts to check out!
Rejection is one of the biggest fears people face, nobody likes to be rejected.
I know I don’t like to be rejected, but it’s something I’ve learned to take in stride.
I appreciate you sharing your experiences Kevin.
John @ Learn About recently posted..Increase your Website Traffic for Free with Social Network Sites
Thanks for sharing John!
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Rejection is part of life but no matter how often it occurs it still hurts especially when experienced from those closest to us. The manipulation of emotions conveys a wrong sense of what discipline ( with children ) and relationships are about.
God Bless
Luther recently posted..Word Wednesday-Fathers Provide
Great points Luther.
Thanks for sharing!
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[...] Nothing Hurts Quite Like the Message of Rejection by Kevin Martineau of Shooting the Breeze. [...]
These are needed words. Thanks for your vulnerability here.
Rejection often is manipulative. Sometimes when we have been rejected, later (maybe even months later) it makes us want to reject others too so that we can feel more powerful ourselves.
Great point Marc!
Thanks for sharing!
Kevin Martineau recently posted..There is no “easy button” to push in life
Inspirational post Kevin. I get the point you are making, but I also believe it’s helpful to consider that sometimes the intense hurt is rooted less in the rejection (whether perceived or real) than in our own insecurities. I think we’ve all known people who are so sensitive that you feel like you have to walk on egg shells around them. Overall though, there’s no doubt in this fast paced world we live in that we could all be a bit more sensitive with how we communicate. Thanks!
Marquita Herald recently posted..The Joyful Heart
Hi Marquita:
I agree with you about rejection being rooted in our own insecurities. We may feel rejected even when it was not intended. We need to learn to accept who we are and not let other’s determine who we are.
Kevin
Sometimes the fear of rejection pushes people to reject others but as you said it’s not really good. Thanks for sharing an awesome post..
jans
Thanks for sharing Jans!
Kevin Martineau recently posted..The road to hell is paved with good intentions
Hi Kevin,
I agree with you that most of us fear rejection, but what we usually do not realize is that we ourselves reject other people in many different ways at different times. I know someone who was so fearful of rejection because as a child, since she’s been well cared for and sheltered by her parents and they give her everything she wants. By the time she seeks out other people’s approval, for instance, like trying to get a job in a factory where her father’s friend is the boss, she instantly got discouraged because her father’s friend told her that she does not have enough experience to work in his factory. After that, for a long time, she didn’t look for a job, fearing she’d be rejected again. While rejection is sometimes inevitable, we must learn how to move on.
Felicia @ No Deposit Poker recently posted..PokerStars donates confiscated funds from minor to charity 518-402
Great point Felicia! Rejection doesn’t have to be the end of the story.
Kevin Martineau recently posted..Book Giveaway- I quit
Amazing! Sets me free. We were just talking about this type of thing both ways. I’m so thankful that you cover both sides of the coin. Woohoo!!!
Jeri @godsdreamsforme recently posted..Cheer Each Other On So We Never Give Up
Thanks Jeri!
Kevin Martineau recently posted..Book Giveaway- I quit
When it comes to working online, expect rejection though it hurts but we need to accept it and try again. That’s life!
Sacha Magalong recently posted..Pet Food Brands
Rejection is definitely a part of working online and it is part of all life too.
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