2 ways to overcome the fear of rejection

fear of rejection

Virtually all of us have a fear of rejection. We can fall prey to it even when we’ve learned to harden our defenses in anticipation of someone’s disapproval. Fear of rejection is a path that leads to approval addiction.

Neither being defensive nor trying to please another person’s every whim is the answer to this problem. These are only coping mechanisms that prevent us from dealing with the root of our fear.

2 ways to overcome the fear of rejection

1. We must stop believing our position is based on our performance.

Performance is true with people but it’s never true with God. Our performance has nothing to do with our position with God.  There is nothing we can do to make God love us more or less! Our performance never impacts or impairs God’s love for me.

2. We must start saying “yes” to pleasing God and “no” to pleasing people.

Our heart must beat to please God and Him alone … not our kids, boss, friend, spouse or anyone else! When we face a decision we shouldn’t ask, “What will my spouse, friend, parents, boss or co-workers think?” We should ask, “What will God think?”

fear of rejection

Overcoming the fear of rejection requires the right expectations.  People will reject us, be mean, say hurtful things and not want to be our friend! Not every one will like us. Jesus lived a perfect life and yet…

“He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows and familiar with suffering.” Isaiah 53:3

God’s opinion and approval is the only real opinion and approval that counts or matters!

The approval of others is fickle.

It is a recipe for disaster.

It is a path of bitterness,

It is bondage!

The Bible tells us that we are accepted through Jesus, God loves us as we are and in Christ we are perfect in His sight!

“Secure in God’s love, I will not surrender my self-worth to the opinions and judgments of others. When I am rejected, I will not retaliate; when I am hurt, I will allow God’s love to heal me. And knowing the pain of rejection, I will seek to love those who suffer from its anguish.” Lloyd Ogilvie

fear of rejection

How and where are you seeking the approval of others? What are you compromising so others will like you? Are you really living for an audience of one?

Categories: Christian living


  • Kathy says:

    I loved this article Kevin. Too often we seek approval from others and it’s never enough. We keep waiting for the day when we won’t feel this way, but it never comes until we realize that God is the only one we need to approve of our actions. Thanks for posting this truth!!

  • Warden Brown says:

    Kevin, it’s always exciting for me when I discover another brother who understands the Gospel, as you so obviously do. I would love to talk more to you, if you desire, through email. I’m interested in how you came to your understanding of the truth and I could share who and what God used to teach me. I’m going to read all your other posts as we are involved in the same type ministry. Good stuff! Grace and peace, Brother

  • Hi Kevin,
    All I can say is Amen! And I need to practice this more by being more concerned about God than all the other stuff and people around me. Then all things will fall into place. Thanks so much for this reminder.

    • Hi Barbara:

      It is so engrained in us to seek the approval of others and it is not easy to give it up but it is necessary for our ongoing growth and maturity. We need to learn to live for an audience of one! 🙂

      Thanks for sharing Barbara!


  • Mary says:

    Oh you will never know how this speaks to me – I have lived under a cloud of rejection fear all my life. Even this morning I was allowing the fear – because someone didn’t respond to my attempt to reach out and help – to ruin my day. A day I could spend rejoicing in my Father’s love instead. I am so thankful I found your blog on the sidebar of Healthy Spirituality. I am only just “coming back” fully to the Lord after starting a prayer journal. So I am changing my blog from “home decor” (an ever searching for the next thing to display, which felt so meaningless) to “Christ follower.”

    And I’m adding you to my sidebar. I feared losing my blogging friends when I change my blog, but just this morning the Lord has opened a river of beautiful sisters in Christ who blog. I’m so thankful!

    Hugs ~ Mary

    • That’s awesome Mary! Our God is indeed an awesome God who knows exactly what we need and when we need it. 🙂

      Thanks for sharing and also thanks for adding my blog to your sidebar. I appreciate it!

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