The above statement was the theme of the Emotionally Healthy Leadership conference that Lauren and I attended on Tuesday. This is a very powerful statement with huge implications!
This statement is saying that the pastor’s marriage is core to change and transformation in the church.
This statement is saying that if the pastor’s marriage is not healthy they will not be able to lead a church to health.
This statement is saying that the pastor must make investing in their marriage their number one priority next to their relationship to God.
“If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God’s church?” 1 Timothy 3:5
Here is a wrap up of the day by Pete Scazzero:
What we are committed to do to make our marriage a priority:
1. Daily focused connecting time.
We usually do this before we go to bed. This is something that we are continuing to grow in. I am learning to be much more transparent with Lauren about where I am at. This is a time for us to catch up on what is happening, work through any issues that may have arisen during the day and to pray together.
2. Weekly date nights.
This is usually Thursday nights for us. We commit to making this night just about us. We may watch a movie, play games or just chat. We realize that we have slipped in this area over the last while and we are going to remedy that.
3. Yearly getaways for growth and refreshment.
This takes planning and work. These times are incredibly valuable for our relationship. We have to make these getaways a priority or they won’t happen.
4. Apply emotionally healthy practices.
This is the toughest one as it is the hardest. I know that I need to continue to grow in the area of speaking directly, clearly, honestly and respectfully with Lauren. We have learned a lot of good skills to help us grow deeper in our relationship – we just need to apply them!
What are your thoughts on the statement “As goes the pastor’s marriage so goes the church”? What are you doing to make your marriage a priority?
Hi…I am really inspired a lot because of your post here…Thank you for the help!
Thanks for sharing Uwell!
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I agree with that. I guess it is the concept of credibility that goes with the pastor’s marriage.
Thanks for sharing Clare!
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Hi Kevin,
I strongly agree with you on #3, to have yearly getaways to spend quality time with your spouse. After all, no matter how much there is going on in our lives, what truly matters in the end is “family”.
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Yep, making time to getaway with your spouse is critical to having a healthy marriage.
Thanks for sharing Slyvia!
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Cool blog post. There’s a lot of very good information here, though I did want to inform you about something – I am running Windows 7 with the up-to-date beta of Firefox, and the layout of your blog is kind of bizarre for me. It’s possible to read the articles or blog posts, although the navigation doesn’t function so great.
Thanks for the heads up about the layout Harvey. I will take a look at it to see if there is anything I can do about it.
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I agree with your post, if the pastor’s marriage is not healthy, then he will not be able to lead a church to health. Same goes for others; for instance, if they themselves do not have a healthy relationship towards their family, then they cannot help others when it comes to family issues.
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Great point Felicia!
Thanks for sharing.
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Kevin, it’s so encouraging to see pastors take the lead in becoming emotionally healthy and modeling that to their congregations. The statement that the health of the church rises and falls upon the quality of the pastor’s marriage: what a powerful statement! At the end of my life, I want my wife to know how deeply loved she was. Thanks for the encouragement!
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Thanks for sharing Steve!
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I agree. How can a pastor lead his church if he is not able to do so with his own family? I also agree on your points to being committed to your marriage you must have daily connecting time, weekly date nights, yearly getaways and emotionally healthy practices. Following these practices will show your spouse that you are committed in your relationship and the love that you have for each other will continue to develop and grow in time.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts Jeffrey!
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This message is soo long overdue in the Body of Christ … But! Thankfully it’s around now. Over a period of 44 years and 30+ churches – moving around with the military, plus honest searching v. dissatisfied hopping – I think I can count the healthy pastor’s marriages we’ve seen on one hand. And yes, this drastically affected everything else. It set a “corporate tone.” As the leader of the organization (and that format somewhat needs changing too) there is of course a trickle-down effect. For good or for bad. I think this teaching about emotional health also goes along with the burgeoning awareness that we’re *all* “priests” in the kingdom. When we see ourselves all as an integral part, we don’t look to a certain human leader for inordinate wisdom or direction or commitment that only God can give. Instead, pastors can pastor and others can operate in their gifts – all together. Emotionally healthily. No more pretending, so help us please God!
Thanks for sharing your thoughtful comment Heila!
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