Shooting the Breeze

Today we will be concluding our series called “Zip It!” This series has been a tough one. I hope that it has been helping us examine what we say a little more closely. In week one, we talked about “Curbing our Complaining”. We learned that a thankful heart curbs complaining. In week two, we talked about “Criticism Gone Bad.” We learned how to speak words of life instead of words of criticism. Today we are going to be talking about “Overcoming Gossip”. Today, we are going to learn that gossip is destructive and we need to overcome it. We are going to learn that we need to talk TO people instead of talking ABOUT people.

I’m sure everyone here today can rest easy because none of us have challenges in the area of gossip, right? Just in case there might be someone who needs to hear this today, I will continue on. Let’s begin by defining gossip. What is gossip? Here are a few definitions that I found: (1) Rumour or talk of a personal, sensational, or intimate nature and (2) idle talk, usually about other people’s private lives, especially of a disapproving or malicious nature. Gossip isn’t defined very nicely, is it? It is destructive. The reality is that we would ALL agree with the fact that gossip is destructive BUT sadly we don’t often recognize how it reveals itself in our lives. Most of us think that we are not guilty of gossip.

I want to spend a few moments looking at some ways that gossip can reveal itself in our lives – sometimes it is subtle and other times it is not. To do this, I want to introduce you to four different types of gossipers. The first type of gossiper is the prayer request gossiper. These are the ones at prayer request time that say things like, “You know, we really just gotta pray for Don. I saw him last week. He was at Movie Gallery and he was renting adult videos. I can’t believe it. His family’s just falling apart, and he’s addicted to cocaine, so let’s pray for him.” How many of you know any prayer request gossipers? Prayer is supposed to be the business of building our relationship up with God and uplifting others to further God’s kingdom. Prayer is not a place to share information that others do not need to know. We should not share personal matters unless the person we are sharing about has agreed for us to do so.

The second type of gossiper is the “bless their heart” gossiper. This is the person who has something kind of mean to say about somebody but they don’t want to appear to be spreading gossip, so they always punctuate their thoughts with the phrase, “bless their heart.” They say things like: “You know Bill? Well his wife left him because he ran up so much credit card debt that she didn’t know about. And he got fired from his job. But, bless his heart, he’s trying as hard as he can.” How many of you know this kind of gossiper? We think that throwing in that phrase “bless his heart” somehow makes the gossip we say okay.

A third type of gossiper is the “chit chat” gossiper or as they are sometimes called the “news flash” gossiper. These are the people that just love to talk and they just kind of talk because that’s what they do. Some people go to work, and some people just talk. And so, they just talk, and they’re always talking and they say things like: “Did you hear that Debbie’s parents are fighting again?” or “Do you know about Joanne? They’re marriage is really struggling” or “I hear Shawna is pregnant.” And they keep talking, and they keep talking. They’re talking about the neighbours’ problems, they’re talking about the people at work, their talking about the grocery store clerk and they talk … and they talk. This type of person isn’t too worried about accuracy either. They just feel it is their duty to inform everyone about other people’s lives. How many of you know these kinds of people?

And then, last but not least, you’ve got the more macho type of gossiper – the “I’m just telling the truth” gossiper. This gossiper says things like: “Just telling the truth. If they didn’t want anybody to know, they shouldn’t have said anything. Right? I’m just telling the truth. I’m just throwing it out there.” How many of you know this type of gossiper? Just because something is true does not give us permission to share it with others – it still could be potentially harmful and hurtful information. We need to check our motives when sharing a story. If we are sharing it with the motive to hurt the person, to taint their reputation or just because we want to be the first to share the juicy news – our motive is bad and we shouldn’t be sharing the information.

Here’s the reality: gossip is everywhere. You are going to notice it when you walk out here today (hopefully in a new and fresh way). You are going to notice it right away when you go home. You turn on the television and they’ve got Entertainment Tonight, Hard Copy and Current Affair. Gossip is all over the place. It is on mobile phones, text messaging, emails and Facebook. And it’s not just through technology, but it happens in our homes. It happens with our neighbours. It happens at the office. It happens at our small groups, and the list goes on and on and on. Gossip is all over the place and it is destroying people’s lives – sometimes slowly and sometimes not so slowly – and we need to overcome it!

So, what does God’s word have to say about gossip? The book of Proverbs has some pretty specific things to say about gossip. Proverbs 11:13 says: “A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy man keeps a secret.” Proverbs 16:28 says: “A perverse man stirs up dissension, and a gossip separates close friends.” Proverbs 20:19 says: “A gossip betrays a confidence; so avoid a man who talks too much.” Proverbs 26:20 says: “Without wood a fire goes out; without gossip a quarrel dies down.” Two different Hebrew words are used in these verses BUT they both mean the same thing – tale tellers. People who specialize in talking about other people’s lives.

Over the course of this series we have also looked at some specific verses that talk about the power of the tongue – which is really what this series is all about. We have looked at verses like Proverbs 12:18 which says: “Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” And Proverbs 18:21 which says: “The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.” And also, Matthew 12:34-35 (which has kind of been our theme verse for this series) which says: “For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks. The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him.”

The book of Psalms has a lot to say about the tongue as well. The language in the book of Psalms is really interesting – it uses language that typifies a violent scenario. It uses words like daggers, and swords, and poisonous tips, arrows, and death, and destruction, and things like that to describe the tongue. We are not going to look at these verses right now but if you get a chance and you have a concordance take the time to look up how the word tongue is used in the book of Psalms – it is very eye opening. The tongue has the power to destroy lives.

One final passage on the power of the tongue. It comes from the book of James. This is a very familiar passage to most. This section of verses is titled “Taming the Tongue.” Let’s start reading from verses 3. These verses say: “3When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal. 4Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. 5Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. 6The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell. 7All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and creatures of the sea are being tamed and have been tamed by man, 8but no man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. 9With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God’s likeness. 10Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be. 11Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? 12My brothers, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water.”

The tongue may be small but it has great power. I want to focus on verses 5 and 6. James 3:5-6 says, “Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a very small spark.” One of the things that I remember about the five years that I lived in Whitehorse was every summer, we had forest fires that literally burnt thousands of acres. It was massive destruction and these fires were usually started by some very, very, very small spark. Let’s keep going on in this verse. The rest of this verse reads kind of like a movie trailer from a horror film. It says, “The tongue is also a fire. It’s a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person. It sets the whole course of his life on fire.” What James is saying here is, “The tongue can literally ruin somebody’s life and the generations that come after that.” You see, the tongue can leave a path of destruction.

As I was thinking about all the various ways that the tongue is described in the bible I began to wonder: “What kind of language would God use today to really explain the destruction that the tongue can bring?” Maybe He would say something like: “The tongue is like a suicide bomber walking into a mall full of thousands of people and innocent children.” We all know the images of destruction that brings. Or maybe He would say something like this, “The tongue is like a kid that is on the verge of lunatic fringe that walks into a cafeteria at school one day and begins to just spread bullets all over the place.” Images come to our mind – destruction, harm, hurt. Or maybe, “The tongue can be like a sniper who puts on a silencer and hides himself a safe distance away and then kills from long distance so that their victim never knows what hit them.” The reason that God uses such vivid description in imagery is because, rarely do we think about the destructive path that our tongue leaves behind. If we did we wouldn’t be doing it!

Who are the people that have been hurt by your words – by your gossip? What relationships have ended? Maybe you have friendships that were really, really strong at one point aren’t quite the same anymore. Maybe it was with a family member and now that relationship is broken. Maybe you’ve destroyed someone’s character or hurt their feelings and the list and goes on and on and on. Some of you, maybe you are the one who’s been charred by someone else’s words, and I want you to know that God loves you so much. He knows how fragile your heart is and He cares about you, and He deeply wants to take His healing ointment and just drop it into your wounds and bring healing to your life.

The question we need to ask is: How do we move on from here? We know that the tongue can leave a path of destruction. We know that gossip hurts and maims. How do we change things? How do we raise the bar spiritually? How do we say, “Okay, I am not going to live my life like that anymore,” and, “I want to move forward and I want to change the way I live life.” How do you begin to do that? How do we overcome gossip? Very simply: Stop talking ABOUT people and start talking TO people. This is what we need to do .

I want to read to you from the book of Ephesians. We read this verse when we looked at criticism. Ephesians 4:29 says, “Don’t let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs.” I love the last part of that verse. It says, “Building others up according to their needs.” We need to ask the question, “What are this person’s needs?” What is it that is going on in their life right now? What is the hurt? What’s the pain? What’s the joy? What’s the passion? What happened this morning at work before they even got here? What is it that’s going on in their life? And what we need to begin to do is to start asking these questions. And once we know and understand that, then we can intentionally begin to craft our words to speak into their life words that will build them up and not tear them down. Let’s stop talking about people and let’s start talking to people. That is one of the things we can do to start to move forward and say, “I’m going to live my life differently. I’m going to do things different.” This is how we overcome gossip

Now imagine this. Instead of sharing Don’s dirty laundry through the guise of a prayer request imagine going to Don and encouraging Don. Imagine finding out what his needs are and then speaking words into his life that will build him up. Imagine that instead of ripping into Bill’s life under the guise of “bless his heart” and leaving his reputation simmering in the ashes that you go to Bill and you speak uplifting words into his life. You talk TO him instead of ABOUT him. Can you imagine a very different world if we actually did this? If we actually talk TO people instead of talking ABOUT them?. The stakes are very high when it comes to our words.

As we conclude this morning, I want to read a poem. It is called “Nobody’s Friend.”. It goes like this:

Today we are going to be continuing on in our series called “Zip It”. In week one we talked about curbing our complaining. We learned that a thankful heart curbs complaining. This morning we are going to talk about criticism gone bad. We are going to learn how to speak words of life instead of words of criticism.

I don’t know if you have ever done this, but have you ever said something that when it rolled out of your mouth, you were like, “Oh, if I could just get that back and stick it right back in there.” Have you ever been there? You know what I’m talking about? Unfortunately, the words we use don’t always have the effect we want. Sometimes words meant to spur people on toward action, fall on deaf ears and immobilize people. Sometimes the words we use to try and encourage are interpreted as patronizing or condescending. Sometimes we don’t know what words to use, and we choose ones that end up doing more harm than good. And, these are mistakes that all of us make – because we’re human. We’re not perfect. Even with the best of intentions, we will still misstep in our choices of words from time to time.

But, this morning, we’re not going to be talking about the times that we slip-up, and use the wrong words. We’re not so much concerned with the accidental misunderstandings that are bound to happen between two human-beings trying to communicate. What we are going to concern ourselves with this morning is our deliberate and subtle words of criticism. You know, the words that come out of our mouths that hurt other people. We say things like, “I wish you were never born. You’re so lazy. You’re such a bum. I want a divorce. I hate you. I can’t stand this marriage anymore. Why’d you do that? I mean, you’re so stupid. What were you thinking?” This is really important. It is important that we understand this – that we get this from the very get-go – people who constantly criticize others often do not realize the damage they are doing.

Let’s look at some ways that criticism reveals itself in our lives. I want to suggest at least three ways that it does. The first way it reveals itself is through jealousy. This is what the writer of Proverbs has to say about jealousy in Proverbs 14:30. He says this, “A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones.” I want you to imagine, just kind of picture the inside of your body if it was to be rotting away, and that is what the writer is trying to tell us. Envy and jealousy rots away at the inside of us. It rots away at our spirit and our soul. It turns us into bitter, and negative, and critical people.

Here’s how it starts It doesn’t start really huge and really big. It might look like this. Let’s say you’ve got a friend who drives a junker car. I mean a complete jalopy. It’s a total piece of junk and they desperately need to get a newer car. And one day, this friend calls you and says, “Hey, I’m so excited. I’ve been saving. I’ve been working hard, and I got a new car. I can’t wait to show it to you. I’m going to bring it right over.” So your friend pulls into your driveway in their new car. And when you see it you are blown away because they now have a very nice car, as a matter of fact, now they are driving a car that is nicer than yours and you are beginning to feel a little jealous. But, you have to be the great friend, so you walk outside and you say, “Great car. Awesome. Incredible. Wouldn’t have picked that color though but yeah that’s a good car.” Did you catch the subtle or not so subtle criticism? Just a little dig comes out in your comment because you are jealous and you can’t be happy for your friend. Now, all of a sudden, instead of your friend feeling good about their new car they are looking at that color going, “Hmmmmmmmmm.” Sometimes criticism can reveal itself through jealously.

A second way criticism can reveal itself in our lives is through negativity. This is where all you see – you know, the whole world, everything around you – all you see is what’s wrong with it. This is what it may look like for some of you. Maybe you’ve had a rough day at work. Your boss has been ragging on you all day and you’re driving home, and you finally start to get out of the funk, but you are driving home and you are still a little irritated. You come pulling into the neighborhood. You’re going, “Man, I hope there’s something hot to eat.”

Now, let me give you the flip side of the picture, what is going on inside of the house. Your wife has been working hard all day. She’s been loving on the kids all day. She knows you are coming home, and she’s thinking, “I’m going to get dinner ready. I’m going to have a pot roast with mashed potatoes and gravy, and it’s going to be steaming hot. It’s going to be good and the kids are going to be sitting around the table and they’re going to be perfect. You know, their teeth are perfect and they’ve got their little bow ties on …” Okay – this is not the Cleaver’s house we are talking about here but here’s the deal.

Your wife has been working real hard and you come walking in and you see the pot roast. You see the mashed potatoes. You see the kids, and then you scan left and you see the living room, and it’s a little cluttered, and there’s a laundry basket over there with clean clothes that haven’t been folded yet, and you look at your wife and you say: “What have you been doing all day? I go out there and I work hard so you can stay at home, and I come home to this mess. What in the world is going on?” And your wife, who has worked so hard getting ready to receive you, to have you come home, is just totally crushed now. You are just chipping away at her. Sometimes criticism can reveal itself through negativity.

A final way that criticism can reveal itself in our lives which is through sarcasm. Remember this. Do not forget it. Sarcasm is the most deceiving of all forms of criticism. We think we are being funny. “Oh, that doesn’t really hurt anybody. Nobody really believes that stuff. They don’t really feel it.” And all along, those little digs, those little jabs, those little chips are killing people. They are hurting people. Those little sarcasm’s, those little digs, those little opportunities, you know, to be cute and funny, what they really are, is little shots. They are chipping away at people, tearing them down. And I’ve got to tell you. This is something that I struggled with for a long time. Sometimes I forget the power of my words. What we think is harmless – really isn’t. It is cutting people. It is hurting them. Criticism can reveal itself in so many different ways in our lives . Sometimes through jealousy, sometimes through negativity and sometimes through sarcasm. We need to learn to speak words of life – words that build people up and encourage them instead of words of criticism – words that tear people down and hurt them.

What does the bible have to say about our words? The Bible teaches us that our words have great power – for good and for bad. There are many passages that talk about this. I want to focus on just a few of those passages. First, two weeks ago we looked at curbing our complaining, we saw from Matthew 12:35-36 that our words reveal the condition of our hearts. If there is evil in our hearts, evil words will come out. If there is good in our hearts, good words will come out. Also from this same passage we learned that one day we will have to give account for our words – a very scary thought for some of us.

Proverbs 12:18 says: “Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” Proverbs 18:21 says: “The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.” And finally, James 1:26 says: “If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless.”

Whether we recognize it or not – our words have great power. It’s really important that we get this. We are deceiving ourselves if we think that our words of criticism are not damaging and hurting people. We tell ourselves things like this, “You know what? I got that guy. He had it coming.” A little punch here; a little jab there. When we do this it is kind of like a sneeze. When you are about to sneeze, you feel it coming, and you want it to come and when you finally sneeze it feels so good coming out but then you’ve got another problem. Now you have a handful of snot, – all this yucky stuff and its like, “What do I do with that?”

And that’s how those words of criticism feel coming out of our mouth. We think to ourselves is, “We’re giving somebody a piece of our mind. Well, it’s about time somebody gave them a piece of their mind, and I’m glad I was the one to stand up and finally do it.” That sarcasm, that wit, we think to ourselves, “You know what? Wasn’t I funny? Look at that. It felt so good.” and we have no idea of the damage that we are doing. And, this is real for me. This is something I wrestle with every single day. People who constantly criticize others are often deceived and do not realize the damage that they are doing. We need to speak words of life, words that build others up instead of words of criticism.

Maybe for a whole lot of us here this morning this message is weighing heavy on our hearts because we are thinking about the words that we have spoken even this week, maybe even this morning. So what’s got to change in us? We need to learn to speak words of life – words that are uplifting and encouraging. And the only way we can speak words of life is through the empowering of the Holy Spirit. We need to allow the Holy Spirit to teach us and empower us to speaks words of life. When we do this the words that we begin to speak are not going to be words of criticism but words of life.

Instead of our words of criticism being revealed through our jealousy of others, we will speak words of life – we will rejoice with people. Romans 12:15 says: “Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.” We won’t take chips at people anymore. We won’t dig away at them. Instead we will, “Rejoice with them.” -Paul says, “Listen, when something good is happening to somebody, you need to get behind them and be excited.” If your friend pulls up in a new car, don’t be digging on the color. Don’t be looking for something wrong with it. Instead, be like, “Oh, man, you deserve it. You’ve been saving, you’ve been working hard. Man, I’m so happy for you. Let’s go for a cruise.” you know, whatever, but be excited. Rejoice with your friends when they rejoice.

And here’s the test. Here’s how you know if you are doing a good job. Here’s how you know if you’ve got jealousy rooted out of you, if you’ve let God clean it out of you. Ask yourself this question, “Am I truly happy for the good things others experience?” When other people – your spouse, your brothers, your sisters, your friends, people at work – when other people are experiencing good things, are you genuinely, truly happy for them? If not, today is your day to change. Today is your day to let God change that inside of you and allow you to take His scripture, put it into effect, and begin rejoicing and being happy for the good things that happen to others.

Also as we allow God to do His work in and through us, instead of our words of criticism being revealed through negativity, we will speaks words of life – we will be cheerleaders. Philippians 4:8 says: “Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things.” These are the things we are supposed to think about. It’s time to quit being a downer and start being a cheerleader. Start cheering people on. Be excited for them. So, here’s the question. Think about it. Who are you going to cheer on tomorrow? Who are you going to be a cheerleader for? Think about it. Let God show you. Start at home. Start with your kids. Start with your spouse. Then, look at the people you work with every single day. Begin cheering them on, especially people who are going through tough times. Don’t point out all the reasons they’re going through the tough times and don’t try to fix them. Just get behind them and be an inspiration to them. Start looking for the good and pointing it out, speaking it out, speaking life.

And finally, instead of our words of criticism being revealed through our sarcasm, we will speak words of life – words of encouragement. In Ephesians 4:29, Paul says: “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for the building up of others.” Start encouraging people. Start building people up instead of chipping away at them. If you are married speak words of blessing to your spouse. Encourage them. Talk about all of the things that you love about them. Praise them publicly. Praise them privately. In the lives of your children instead of always policing them with words like: “Stop that. Come over here. Quit doing this. Don’t hit your brother. Don’t hit your sister. Quit hitting, all of you, each other.” You know. “Stay on your side of the corner. Am I going to have to pull this van over?” And on and on and on and on. Instead, catch them doing good things. Say things like: “You did awesome. You cleaned up your room without being asked. Way to go! You said, ‘Yes, sir, immediately’ what great manners. Ah, you brought over your dishes. You’re amazing.” Encourage them with words of life rather than always criticizing what they didn’t do right. Choose to speak words of life instead of words of criticism. Use your bracelet as a visual reminder to speak words of life instead of words of criticism.

As we close, I want you to ask yourself this question: What are my words of criticism costing me? What are they costing me long term – what I don’t even see today? They might cost you a relationship with your kids. If you just keep bashing away at them, five and ten years down the road, they are going to turn away and they are going to wish they had never known you. They are going to want nothing to do with you but you can get a hold of it today. You can allow God begin to change you and transform you, and do you know what? You will have the best relationship if you choose to speak words of life instead of words of criticism

Your words of criticism might also cost you a relationship with your spouse. Right now, they might be ready to walk out the door because everything that comes out of your mouth is just chipping away and tearing away at them, and you can’t get a handle on it, and they’ve had enough. You could be on the verge of losing something incredibly important and incredibly valuable but today is your day to get hold of that and change. Today is the day to allow God to change that in you so that you can have something more incredible, more awesome than you have ever had in your whole life. But we have to choose to speak words of life instead of words of criticism.

We have to decide to let God do His work in our hearts because who knows what we are going to miss if we don’t. But I can tell you, you are going to have something great if you do. God wants to take the jealousy, He wants to take the negativity, He wants to take that sarcasm and He wants to take all these things that reveal our critical spirit and get it out, and He wants to empower us to speak words of life. He wants our words to be fresh and vibrant, words that build people up. Choose to speak words of life instead of words of criticism!

This morning I want to follow up what we talked about last Sunday. I want to first of all get everyone caught up who wasn’t here last week. Last week we talked about “Curbing our Complaining.” How do we curb our complaining? By having a thankful heart. And to hold us accountable in this area I handed out these beautiful pink fashion-making bracelets. The idea was to put them on and when you catch yourself complaining you switch arms. How many days does it take to change a habit? Twenty-one. The goal is to go 21 days without complaining . So, how did everyone’s first week go? Did anyone go the whole week without complaining? Did anyone go a whole day without complaining? Did the bracelets help?

My mom sent me an excellent e-mail this week after she read last week’s sermon. It is a great reminder of why we should be thankful .

I AM THANKFUL:

• FOR THE WIFE WHO SAYS IT’S HOT DOGS TONIGHT, BECAUSE SHE IS HOME WITH ME, AND NOT OUT WITH SOMEONE ELSE.
• FOR THE HUSBAND WHO IS ON THE SOFA BEING A COUCH POTATO, BECAUSE HE IS HOME WITH ME AND NOT OUT AT THE BARS.
• FOR THE TEENAGER WHO IS COMPLAINING ABOUT DOING DISHES BECAUSE IT MEANS SHE IS AT HOME, NOT ON THE STREETS.
• FOR THE TAXES I PAY BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM EMPLOYED.
• FOR THE MESS TO CLEAN AFTER A PARTY BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE BEEN SURROUNDED BY FRIENDS.
• FOR THE CLOTHES THAT FIT A LITTLE TOO SNUG BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE ENOUGH TO EAT.
• FOR MY SHADOW THAT WATCHES ME WORK BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM OUT IN THE SUNSHINE
• FOR A LAWN THAT NEEDS MOWING, WINDOWS THAT NEED CLEANING, AND GUTTERS THAT NEED FIXING BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE A HOME .
• FOR ALL THE COMPLAINING I HEAR ABOUT THE GOVERNMENT BECAUSE IT MEANS WE HAVE FREEDOM OF SPEECH.
• FOR THE PARKING SPOT I FIND AT THE FAR END OF THE PARKING LOT BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM CAPABLE OF WALKING AND I HAVE BEEN BLESSED WITH TRANSPORTATION.
• FOR MY HUGE HEATING BILL BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM WARM.
• FOR THE LADY BEHIND ME IN CHURCH WHO SINGS OFF KEY BECAUSE IT MEANS I CAN HEAR.
• FOR THE PILE OF LAUNDRY AND IRONING BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE CLOTHES TO WEAR.
• FOR WEARINESS AND ACHING MUSCLES AT THE END OF THE DAY BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE BEEN CAPABLE OF WORKING HARD.
• FOR THE ALARM THAT GOES OFF IN THE EARLY MORNING HOURS BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM ALIVE.

What are you thankful for?

There was once was a lady who was characterized as being very, very negative and she would complain about absolutely everything. One day this lady went to the grocery store and she was complaining because they only sell a whole head of lettuce. And she said, “I’m a single lady. I can’t eat all of the lettuce that goes bad. I demand that you sell me a half a head of lettuce.” And the worker there said, “We can’t,” and she threw a fit. So finally, the worker went back to cut the head of lettuce in half. While he was doing this, one of his buddies saw him and said “What in the world are you doing?” He said, “Oh, some old bag who’s just a pain like you would not believe wants to buy a half a head of lettuce.” Then he looked up and saw that the lady was right by his buddy, and he said, “And this fine lady would like to buy the other half of that head of lettuce.”

Complaining. We are all guilty of it. We say things like: “Ì do all the work and someone else gets all the credit.” or “The weather is too hot, too cold or too rainy.” or “The gas prices are out of control.” I don’t like this and I don’t like that. Do you ever think that God may get sick and tired of hearing all our complaining? Today we are going to begin a new series called “Zip It”. The title for today’s message is “Curbing Complaining”.

I am very passionate about this topic because God is working on this area in my life big time right now. He is doing a major overhaul on my heart. To be completely honest with you, I can be a negative person – a complaining person. Left to my own devices, I can find myself complaining about everything from the price of gas to political decisions to things about other people that I don’t like (I am not so proud of that one). And what I have had to acknowledge is that my words are just a symptom of a very deep and real problem in my heart. My heart can get full of resentment, bitterness, discontent, negativity and anger and then my words begin to reveal the condition of my heart. And then my words affect my actions and then eventually I am miserable. It is a vicious cycle. he truth of the matter is: The only way to curb complaining is by changing our heart attitude.

Now, I am assuming that I am not the only person here this morning that easily slips into the mode of complaining. How many of you would say honestly that you complain often? The reality is that it is incredibly easy for all of us to slip into a mode of finding the negative things in life and complaining about them, rather than searching for the good things. When we fall into this pattern of finding the negative things in life and complaining about them, we end up miserable, right?

Let me show you how this works out in life If you want to be miserable, here’s what you do, okay? You want to hate your job for the rest of your life? Complain about it every single day. Complain about the commute to work, complain about the people that you work with that just get under your skin like putting fingernails on a chalkboard. Complain about your idiot boss that doesn’t know squat. Complain about the lousy benefit package. Complain about how you are undervalued. Complain about how you don’t like your work environment, and I guarantee you, you will hate your job and you will be miserable.

If you are not fully miserable, let me tell you how you can hate your life. Complain about everything, everything, I mean everything. Complain about the weather, complain about the economy, complain about the prices of gas, and complain about your physical features, how you used to be hot and now you’re not. Complain about the misplacement of your hair. It’s no longer on your head, now there’s more on your back or coming out of your ears. Complain about the way people drive …complain and complain and complain and you will be miserable.

If that’s not good enough, let’s mess up your marriage, as well. Do you want to mess up a perfectly good marriage? Nit pick your spouse to death. Find anything. Find big things. Even more fun, find small things and nit pick them, I mean everything. The way they drive, the way they choose to get to a place, the way they chew their gum, the way they leave a little piece of food on their plate, the way their hair falls out and clogs up the shower drain, the way they leave their underwear laying around on the floor. Zero in and complain about everything, and I guarantee you, you will mess up a good marriage and you will be miserable.

Let me show you just how real this is. This is not a laughing matter – this is very real and very serious. Many years ago I read this statistic. I never will forget it. For every negative statement heard it takes 10 positive statements to recover from it. So if you hear one negative statement it will take 10 positive statements to get over that one negative statement. This “1 in 10″ principle applies in all our relationships: our marriages, our relationship with our children and relationships in general.

So, if you are like me and battle with complaining words, ask yourself this question: what is in my heart? What is causing all this negativity to come out? Remember, the words that we speak are only a symptom of the real issue that takes place in our heart. The heart is the main issue. We need to understand that our words reveal the condition of our heart. Say it with me: my words reveal the condition of my heart. So, the only way to curb complaining is by changing our heart attitude!

Jesus talked about this very issue when He was here on earth. If you have a bible turn to Matthew chapter 12. This is one of Jesus’ many confrontations with the Pharisees. In this confrontation, the Pharisees were saying that Jesus was from the devil because He had healed a man who had been demon possessed. Jesus has some strong words of rebuke to say to them. In these strong words of rebuke Jesus says this about our words. Starting at verse 34 Jesus says: “For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks.” Simply, our words reveal the condition of our hearts . Verse 35, Jesus continues, “The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him. An evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored in him.” If there are good things in our hearts – good things will come out. If there are bad things in our hearts – bad things will come out. Verse 36, “But I tell you that men will have to give account on the Day of Judgment for every careless word they have spoken.” Can you imagine how long some of those meetings will be? Read on, verse 37, “For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned.” Jesus is saying that our words reveal the condition and attitude of our heart. So to curb complaining we need to change our heart attitude.

Now, how does this play out in everyday living? From a negative heart, which is, quite frankly, what many of us have, from a negative heart overflows negative words, which generally become negative actions, resulting in a miserable life. Let’s look at that again. From a negative heart overflows negative words, which generally become negative actions, resulting in a miserable life. For example, have any of you ever met a joyful or thankful complainer? Someone who whines and moans all the time, and yet, is full of joy and thankfulness? I haven’t. It’s not possible If there is true joy in our heart then it will turn into joyful words. If there is true thankfulness in our hearts then it will turn into thankful words. So to curb complaining we need to change our heart attitude.

So, here’s my challenge to you. I want you to challenge us to work on just ONE heart attitude to curb complaining in our lives. I know that there are many many heart attitudes that we could change but I want us to be realistic and to be successful at curbing our complaining. So let’s just focus on one heart attitude and that heart attitude is thankfulness . To curb complaining we need to have a thankful heart. Instead of zeroing in on all of the negative and on all the bad, we need to take a step back and look at the same things that we have been complaining about, and look at them from a different perspective – with a thankful heart. Instead of complaining about what we don’t like or don’t have, or we wish this was such and such, or we wish it was that way, or we wish we had different this or a different that … instead of complaining, which is so easy to do, we will give thanks in all things. Look at what the Bible says. 1 Thessalonians 5:18 says “Give thanks in all circumstances for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” -

How does this play out in everyday life? So you’re having a bad hair day. “I’m going to church, and my hair won’t do what it is supposed to do,” and you know you can’t worship God adequately on a bad hair day. So you’re freaking out: “I wish my hair would do this.” When you are tempted to complain about your hair, thank God that you have some, because a lot of people would take some and not have to take the comb over, okay? When you are about to whine about gas prices, “Oh, they’re so high”, realize that if you own a car, you are in the wealthiest three percent of people who are alive today. – Have you thought about that? You are in the richest three percent of the people in the world if you own an automobile. To curb complaining we need to have a thankful heart.

To help us and to hold us accountable in curbing our complaining, I have a visual reminder for us. You may have seen these before. These bracelets were made popular about a year or so ago by a pastor named Will Bowen of Christ Church Unity. Scientists believe it takes 21 days to form a new habit and complaining is habitual for most, if not all, of us. The bracelet is a powerful tool to remind us of how well we are doing with curbing our complaining. Here are the rules: (1) Put the bracelet on now – it doesn’t matter which wrist. (2) When you catch yourself complaining move the bracelet to the other arm and begin again (3) Stay with it. It may take months to do this but the work is well worth it!

Can you imagine how different your life would be by not complaining? By looking at life from a different perspective? By having a thankful heart? Our lives would be so much more fulfilling and joyful. We would begin to realize just how blessed we are. This doesn’t just have to be an imaginary exercise – this can be reality. Remember our words are a reflection of our heart. We are going to curb our complaining, because that’s a reflection of a heart that’s not right with God. We are going to allow God by the power of the Holy Spirit to change our discontent and negative heart into a thankful heart. And when God has done this work in our hearts, our words will change, our lives will change and the lives of those around us will change as well. All this will begin to happen when we allow God to do a work in our heart. Because the only way to curb complaining is by changing our heart attitude. Let’s curb our complaining by developing a thankful heart!