What is mind reading? Mind reading is simply making an assumption about someone who has hurt or disappointed us without confirming it.
When we do this we believe a lie about this person in our heads.
This assumption is a misrepresentation of reality because we have not checked it out with the other person. It is very possible that we are believing something untrue.
It is also likely that we will pass our false assumptions around to others.
Acting on assumptions, without checking them out, is a common source of confusion and conflict in relationships. Often we are unaware of the havoc it creates in marriages, schools, families and workplaces.
How to stop mind reading
In order to stop mind reading we must clarify what the other person is thinking rather than assuming that you know.
Here are some important steps that we can implement:
1. Reflect on something you suspect the other person thinks or feels but they haven’t told you.
Example: “I think that Joe is mad at me because he was short with me the last time we talked.”
2. Ask: “Do I have your permission to read your mind? or “Can I check out an assumption with you?”
Example: “Joe, may I check out an assumption with you? ”
3. When permission is granted, ask:
“I noticed that you were very short with me that last time we talked. That’s unusual for you, so I’m wondering if you are upset with me? Is that true?”
or
“I think that you think . . . [fill in the blank]. Is that true?”
4. Give the other person an opportunity to respond.
Example: “No, I am not upset with you. My wife’s father was rushed to the hospital a few days ago so we have been spending all our free time with him there. I haven’t had the opportunity to respond to any of my phone messages yet.”
Are you guilty of mind reading? What do you do when you realize this?
***** We learned this skill at the Emotionally Healthy Spirituality Conference that was led by Pete and Geri Scazzero.
“I saw what you were thinking!” I say that jokingly to Hubs all the time since I tend to mind read.
I think married couples are the most guilty of mind reading. I know I am anyway.
Thanks for sharing Jenn!
Yes Kevin it is a really distructive habit that often reflects our own perspective and place where we are at and has very little relevance, most of the time to the real thoughts of the other person. The sad thing is that we tend to do it to the people we are closest to because we THINK we know them so well. It causes conflict and undeserved judgement and I agree we need to just ‘STOP IT!’
You make a great point Doug. We definitely tend to do it with those who are closest to.
It is a skill that I am continuing to learn.
Great post, mind reading usually interrupt me in thinking with the best that I can have… Thanks for sharing this one and cheer up…
Thanks for sharing Jennifer!
Mind reading is really hard. However, there are some thoughts about it that mind reading is a talent.
Hi Mika:
The mind reading that this post is taking about is when we make an assumption about someone who has hurt or disappointed us without confirming it.
This is something that all of us are guilty of to some degree.
Thanks for sharing!
Kevin
I agree with you. There is no better way to know the thoughts of the other person than to ask them in a heart to heart talk. However, we should refrain from anticipating the answer of the other person.
Great point Luigi!
Thanks for sharing.
This is what I needed. I can’t stop barging into my partner’s actions and it irritates him.
This is definitely a very useful skill for all relationships!
Thanks for sharing.
Mind reading can become very destructive in some circumstances, and the steps you’ve stated here would be very helpful for many who tend to mind read.
I am guilty of mind reading my family and friends, but things get better when I just go ahead and ask nicely if there’s something amiss.
I guess it’s women’s nature to always jump to conclusions
It’s not just women who are guilty of this Sylvia. Men are just as guilty of it.
Thanks for sharing!
Mind reading is one act that many of us can’t help but do it, and the worse part of it is when it becomes a regular habit by some people. And what’s not good about mind reading is when it destroys good relationships between people.
Great points Felicia!
Thanks for sharing.
Hello Kevin
No matter how well we think we know a person, it is simply not possible to accurately interpret another person’s actions, thoughts, and feelings without input from them. Here is what Oscar Wilde said about assumption,”When you assume, you make an ass out of u and me.” I heard this statement early in my life, but still make the mistake of assuming. I forget your suggestion on how to stop mind reading and do not clarify what the other person is thinking. In sale we often make this mistake by assuming the person is a prospect with out ever asking question to clarify their needs. What if our physician made assumptions about our health conditions?
Thanks
Perry A Davis Jr
Music City
I love that Oscar Wilde quote Perry. I use it all the time.
Thanks for sharing!
Thank You
What a great post, there are so many times that a person can mind read,even unknowingly, To that is like a Defensive mechanism in most cases or an insecurity.
What an eye opener
Thanks again
That’s a great thought Sharon. It probably is a defense mechanism or a form of insecurity when we mind read.
Thanks for sharing!